On the eleventh day of Christmas, my monster gave to me
Eleven infinite infinities,
Ten knives a-knifing,
Nine campers bleeding,
Eight faces freezing,
Seven shapes a-shifting,
Six brains a-bulging,
Fiiiive burnt-to-the-point-that-they're-unrecognizable thiiiiiiiings!
Four poked-out eyeballs,
Three rare steaks,
Two freaky feet
And a corpse from a freshly-dug grave.
THE OUROBOROS WYRM (AKA ROBBIE THE INFINITE SERPENT)
By Benjamin Baugh
APPEARANCE: Robbie is a really long snake. Infinitely long, in fact. If you stretched him all the way out, he'd reach around the entire universe and end up looking over his own shoulder. Well. If snakes had shoulders. His body trails off out of sight, around a corner, down a hole, somewhere else. He's sort of quantum like that. Being infinite, he also exists in every moment in time as well as space, but can only pay attention to the one his kid is experiencing RIGHT NOW. Beyond this quirk of spatio-temporal biology, he's a giant stripy snake as big around as a whiskey barrel. (And for you kids out there who can't drink, and so have no idea how big a whiskey barrel is, trust me, that makes him plenty big. Big enough to swallow down a whole yak. You don't know what a yak is, either? Go watch Animal Planet, kid, this ain't a zoology lesson.) Hovering over his head he wears a Celestial Pearl that he got from a Chinese dragon that he thinks looks really cool, and which acts like a cosmic hall-pass when he wanders into other dimensions.
PERSONALITY: Robbie is a big friendly goof. He also has a very literal mind. Being an infinite serpentine string of cosmic fundament tends to give one a blind spot for irony and metaphor. He really wants to have a sense of humor, so he laughs a lot. Sometimes he even laughs at the right bits. Mostly, he's crazy curious about everything his kid does, and asks constant questions all the time.
FAVORITE THING: Figuring stuff out. When he finally realized what the infield fly rule was, he danced crazy-coils in the air over the city, and made everyone motion sick with the swirling stripiness.
WAY TO HIDE: Robbie creeps back around a corner, down a hole, or out of sight and just barely peeks out.
BITS AND PIECES
1-4: Loooooooooooooooooooong snaky body, 8d. Defends, Attacks, Useful (goes on forever), Area x5, Tough x5.
5-6: Double-hinged jaws, 6d. Attacks, Useful (swallow people and then throw them up in another time or place), Useful (taste the timespace continuum), Tough x2.
7-8: Celestial pearl, 6d. Attacks, Useful (like a celestial FBI badge), Useful (project healing fire), Awesome x2.
9-10: Fathomless amber eyes, 6d. Useful (see galaxies and microbes and supernovae and farts), Useful (see [but not hear!] the future), Awesome x2, Tough x1.